Bipolar

There is a storm raging in my soul and the waves are high
Rain, hail, fire, the fury of God in the sky
If you're caught in this downpour, you'll never dry
You'll never find yourself again, feeling alive
I wish you would look past the clouds in my eyes
To see what my heart really looks like
But all you see is what you think I am
But you're all wrong, I'm not that man
I'm not what I've done, what I do, what I say
There's much more to me than screaming in your face
I'm a soul, a spirit, a beauty, a bird
But you'll never see that because of just one word
Just one thing separates us two
You'd love me without it but then I wouldn't love you
My heart is heavy, boulders in my abdominal
You can forgive but you'll never forget my words
I'm abominable
There's no shelter strong enough to hold
There's no amount of fire to warm this cold,
Dark, black hole where my heart used to be
You'll never climb out if you keep following me
There's a storm raging inside of my soul
Leave me now before I swallow you whole

Feel

Times like this I'd like to plunge a dagger into a vein Remind myself I'm alive, breathing living this pain I feel dull Dead Empty Alone I don't belong here This world's not my home I'm a broken spirit searching for soul Something to fill this void in my heart, this hole I've been fragile Lonely Depressed Unstable I'd fix it myself If only I were able

you.

You have a way with words and actions
Your life has become my passion
You are what I didn’t expect to fall for
But too perfect not to give it my all for
Your distance and the time we’re apart
Is the reason life brings tears to my heart
I cant get over the look in your eyes
Everyday when we say our goodbyes
I know you want to say something but
You’re too afraid to just tell me what
Youll never read this so I can say it here
Ive never felt something this clear
From the day that we met to tonight
You, my love, have become my light.

losing it.

When I make you laugh
Your eyes twinkle like snowflakes
Your dimples are canyons
Your chin and your lips shake
When you touch my face
My heart melts like wax
Feels like my stomach
Is doing jumping jacks
The way that you kiss me
Makes my soul flutter
In the strength of your arms
I melt like butter
And the way that you
Say my name so sweet
Buckling at my knees
Swept off my feet
I don’t know what it is
All I know is that I need it
Every look and every word
That you say, you feed it
Boy you make me fall
like I just lost at jenga
i feel like you’re the
Corey to my Topanga.

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ugh.

my pills have not been working
a reminder of why i am medicated.
i feel lost, careless, unhappy,
hateful, grouchy, undedicated.
im in an 'i hate everyone' mood
and im reliving the past
wondering why im always creating
love that doesn't ever last.
reminding myself why i hate dating.
i fall so easily and always hard.
so im blocking out my feelings
my heart is back on guard.
my defense mechanism is not caring,
but im so broken inside.
no one knows whats behind this smile.
the pain and tears i hide.
i hate everything today.
the Lord is my only friend.
i say i dont but i do want love,
and i want this anger to end.

gona be a cat lady.

i have finally decided
to build back my walls
no longer wishing
for someone with balls
i hate everyone equally
(but men, a bit more)
ill get really fat and hairy
ill be a prude, not a whore
ill have thirty six cats
no shower in my home
ill be covered in fur
but never alone
my cats will protect me
from mice...and men
i hate cats, but id rather
be a cat lady than love again.