the one.

you see me as i was
he sees me as i am
where once i asked for help
you turned down my hand
i messed up with him
time and again
but unlike your selfish heart
he gave a second chance
he's my one true friend
my only chance.
he's forgiven me
for what i did
way in advance.
he danced the dance
of life with me
and held my hand
and made me believe
i was worth something
his words
didnt break me down
he opened his home
and opened his heart
and thinks of me
when we're apart
he's my true love
you were my rough draft
he's the real deal
he looks past the past
and sees who i am
he's the only one
who loves me for me
he's the only one
who really can.

fed up

i'm fed up
to the brim
with scowling faces
words so grim
with whispers chanting
behind my back
with judgement leering
respect is lacked
this foolish game
of love i've played
is done and over
no more cards to be laid
i'm bigger than games
and whispers and lies
im sick of the feeling
always
of peering eyes
of people concluding
i'm a bad seed
from one mistake
a hopeless need
i'm not who i was
cant you see?
that person
that villan
IS NOT ME!
i am renewed
i'm sorry if you're not
but dont bring me down
i refuse to rot
with your soul
in that shallow grave
im more brave
more solid
i am strong
i am new
i am sorry
that you're still you.

my true love.

a love that will not fade
comes in more than one name
more than one person
more than one place
my true love
is a group of my friends
more than one face
names as sweet as honey
are music to my ears
lucas, lila, chloe
almost bring me to tears
knowing that children
as young as five years
can bring my aching heart
relief from this hell
can pick up the pieces
of my heart
that fell
like a puzzle they work
with everything they can
to try and try
to put it back
together again.

i like to call this one pert plus...

no more tears.
memories can't create the future.
the past is in the past.
all the mistakes.
all the regrets.
all the things i wish i could change.
the man i loved.
is not you anymore.
no more tears.
you're not worth it.
im moving on with my life.
thanks for the memores,
im glad it didnt work out,
if thats what it took for me to love me,
if it took you ripping my heart out,
so be it.
no
more
tears.

these eyes will shine once more.

that green
that faded so quickly
that green
so bright and so pure
will shine someday
with a new light
a light of passion
maybe not of man
maybe of God
a new light
a light of love
true love
love everlasting
a love that will not fade like these eyes
these eyes will shine once more
you will see the light in these eyes
and like the purest green
like envy
you will want what i have
you will want that light
your eyes will lose their color
your eyes will fade
and unlike our love
my eyes
will shine
forever.

and i wait

i lie here
and i wait

i wait for you to realize what an incredible person i am
i wait for you to finally see how fucking amazing i am
i wait for you to come crawling back
i wait for you to beg for ME to give YOU a second chance
i wait until the day that i get to break your heart twice as much as you broke mine
i wait for the day that you realize this was your fault
i wait for the day that you realize that i was right all along
i wait for the day that you feel so fucking worthless that you cry your eyes out
i wait for the day when you understand, really understand how i feel right now
i wait for the day when you realize how much your words broke me down
i wait for the day when you FINALLY FUCKING REALIZE that i am a princess.
and i deserve to be treated like one.
talked to like one.
honored like one.
i wait for the day when you realize that i am going to be the best wife
and the greatest mother
i wait for the day when you realize you could have had me.
ME.
i deserve more.
i wont settle.
i wont open up.
i wont be the same.
its going to take a lot to break me down now.
your words cant hurt me
your name calling
your mind games
i am who i am
fuck you.
i am a phenomonal woman and i dont need to deal with your shit.

and i wait...
for the day...
when you realize...
i am everything.

not i

it is not i.
who can pen this line.
who can pause in time.
i have no power.
of moving these feet.
through dirt, the street.
there are no traits.
holding my being.
over its head.
of taking the living.
of raising the dead.
no hope.
no power.
no praise.
not i.
not you.
only one.
who can call from the sky.
each star by name.
who knows my name.
only one.
who carries me.
over mountains and pain.
whose tears fall like rain.
the rain.
He reins.
only one.

heart in a box

seventeen years
never shed this tear
never let down these walls
no glimpses given
the tender part
the underside of my heart
none.
never passed around
never pinned up
always locked up
a heart not on the sleeve
a heart in a box
once so easily opened
opened to find
a world of hunger
a world of happiness
living, loving
blind
passion, desire
a pure vision of love
first glances
first chances
a love flourished
a love battled
a love grew
a love only the two of us knew
a strong love
forgiven...
a love lost
a love failed
unveiled
a heart torn apart
a box opened
the pieces lain
i've shed those tears
in vain
swept up
all that was left
thrown into a box
once opened
broken forever
seventeen years
those precious gifts
that cant be regiven
broken
shattered
forgotten
a heart in a box
opened
broken
forgotten

with eyes no longer green

the sweetest shade
of luminous green
greener than grass
had ever seen
as green as envy
as soft as plush
after the heartbreak
lost their lush
the sweetest shade
that could never fade
did in an instant.
the softest eyes
turned to black
with no remorse
no looking back
the heart was shattered
the eyes turned cold
from this sweet green
to the hardest gold
the pain within
with no way out
stole the beauty
of what i was about
those bright green eyes
that bubbly smile
has turned to gold
and is down for a while.