away.

my head is strong
but my heart is facing
a lonely memory
your fingertips tracing
the length of my fingers
the lines of my lips
my arms and my body
my stomach and hips
my head, independent
but thoughts still flood
your face and your voice
you live in my blood
i miss you and i miss us
but it seems so far away
and i hope and my heart
longs for you everyday
the distance is more
than what you'd like it to be
and i know that i love you
and hope you love me
enough to keep trying
because i'll tell you one thing
you give me butterflies,
you make my heart sing,
your voice is my patience,
your skin is my shield,
this undying love,
may soon be reveiled,
my hopes just keep growing,
i cant keep them down,
my heart is on cloud 9,
but my head is on the ground,
a war, if you will,
between heart and head,
my head wants to stop,
but my heart says instead...
why not go for it?
whats the hold up, here?
i just...miss you, i need you
i love you, my dear.

today's the day.

my life is changing
every second
i like who i've become.
the hardships and hell
have gone over well
and now i see the sun.
tomorrows an hour...
...a minute...
...a second away...
and nothing holds
a light to
the beauty of today.
today's the day
i'm my own woman
with no one else around.
i now hold my head high
and look at the birds
no longer at the ground.
my heart isn't healed
but it's on it's way
and with happiness
and joy i can say
that finally, FINALLY
today's the day.

burn.

no more games.
you said it.
you arent good enough for me.
i deserve to be treated better.
i dont deserve to be lead on.
i have feelings.
i deserve someone who respects those feelings.
i have talents.
i have skills.
i have the world, but i wont give it to you anymore.
you had your chance.
cry all you want.
you fucked up.
invite me to your pity party.
i wont show.
you ruined it, not me.
its taken me three tries to figure this out.
third time's a charm.
i'm walking up those stairs.
in the apartment building i call life.
its taken me 19 years but i'm on the 8th story.
all those stairs.
im getting somewhere.
and there you are...
pulling the fire alarm.
trying to get me to run out.
fuck it.
if there really is a fire.
if this time it's not the boy crying wolf.
i'll burn.
because you ruined me.
you tortured me with your mind games.
your heartless mind games.
so youre sick?
karma, fucker.
go to hell.

weed.

you think it makes you happy
but it really doesn't work.
you think you're funny when you're high
but you're actually a jerk.
you dont give a fuck about anything
not your friends, me or you.
i hate the person you become
i hate the things you do.
i hate that your body withdrawls
when you stop it for a while.
i hate that you cry and sweat
and slump into a pile.
i hate the shit you put me through
when you really want to smoke.
i'm not going to put up with it
to me, you're just a joke.
get over weed or get over me
because i'm done with your shit.
i dont deserve to deal with this
i swear to you, this is it.

old school.

December 2005

shallow thinking
of shallow minds
reaps shallow words
and in due time
the shallow people
and shallow thoughts
will breed more hate
and will be taught
to shallow children
with shallow lives
by shallow husbands
with shallow wives
and every man
with half a brain
will see how shallow
and how insane
it is to be
this shallow here
but nothing and no one
will change you, dear.

happiness.

happiness is like building a house on a moutain.
you begin with a foundation...
adding one brick at a time.
everyday.
carrying that brick up that mountain.
everyday is another brick.
keep adding and adding.
you've formed a wall.
begin the second.
everyday.
one more brick.
friends come along...
helping you carry more bricks.
friends carry the load.
friends build the house.
happiness.
storms come through...
a few bricks fall.
struggling to put the bricks
back upon the wall.
homeless and waiting
for these walls to be built.
one more day, one more brick.
working in the sun
beaming, beating down
sweating, screaming
carrying these bricks.
hungry and tired.
carrying these bricks.
second wall...
third wall...
keep adding the bricks.
take a step back,
have a look.
three walls built.
three walls strong.
proud, excited, encouraged.
pushing and pushing
to carry more bricks.
one night
while you're asleep
an unwanted visitor
unbuilds your house.
bricks rolling down
the face of the mountain.
few bricks left
sitting on the foundation
excited carrying that brick
up that mountain
almost finished building the wall
the house.
happiness.
you see it.
its broken.
all that work.
all those days, all those bricks.
nothing.
what else can you do?
start rebuilding.
one brick at a time.
every day
one more brick.
up that mountain.
you build and build...
and right when you're almost finished...
that same unwanted visitor...
pays you an unwanted visit.
this happens
time and again.
a vicious cycle.
finally...
you don't want to build anymore.
fuck it.
what's the point?
you'll never get it...
a house....
happiness.
whats the fucking point?

Haiti song.

If i had a dime for...

every banana leaf hut
and every little black butt
that i saw walkin through the street
on every mountain we'd climb
we weren't surprised to find
they had no shoes upon their feet
they like playing games
and singing songs
this is what to say
when they say sing along
you say:
"i'm so happy with you beside me,
i'm so happy with you.
i'm so happy with you beside me
i'm so happy with you."
between the picklies
and the tickling
theres no time to sit and rest
with the sun so bright
they're working all night
we should see, how we are blessed
they like giggling
and singing songs
this is what to say
when they say sing along
you say:
"i'm so happy with you beside me,
i'm so happy with you.
i'm so happy with you beside me
i'm so happy with you."
all we need is love
and guidance from above
yeah and i know, that i'll be fine
we'll gather every voice
and watch the world rejoice
if you just put your hand in mine
we like holding hands
and singing songs
this is what you say
when we say sing along
you say:
"i'm so happy with you beside me,
i'm so happy with you.
i'm so happy with you beside me,
i'm so happy with you.
i'm so happy with you beside me,
i'm so happy with you.
i'm so happy with you beside me,
i'm so happy with you."