i hate feeling feelings.

what you meant
isn't what i heard
you lied when you said
you'd keep your word
a wasted 2 years
has left me alone
when you called last night
i should have silenced my phone
you wanted to rub in my face
that you've found someone new
reminding me, once more
i no longer have you
you lashed out in anger
when i got upset
but you cant expect me
to be over you yet
you let me down
in the worst way
the love i thought i found
still burns to this day
i'm breaking myself down
i can't do this much longer
even though i feel weak
i know i've become stronger
you broke my spirit
you broke my pride
something deep inside of me
withered up and died
you tore me apart
going back on your word
our memories are vivid
but the lines have all blurred
you've really moved on
and i'm still right here
lost and alone
drinking way too much beer
when you think of me
i hope that it stings
and i hope that i'll see
just what karma brings
go fuck yourself douche bag :)

die in a hole.

it's been a while since we split.
believe it or not i still feel like shit.
crying myself to sleep is getting old.
trying to find a way to turn myself cold.
to rid my heart of these feelings.
and to deal better with these dealings.
i hate thinking of you and being hurt.
you left me face down in the dirt.
i would do anything to hurt you back
as much as you've hurt me.
i wish i could break you down
completely.
if i didnt have morals
id give you to a dirty trucker.
bitch i would ruin you.
die in a hole mother fucker.

7.6.12

im giving up the hurt i have
the pain that inhabits my soul
im giving up on giving a shit
cause shit belongs in a hole.
im sick and tired of being angry
and feeling low and depressed
i got my ass out of bed today
and i started hurting less.
i have to keep telling myself
dont give a fuck, youre fine
i keep reminding myself
its beginning to soak in my mind.
i need to find happiness again
in the little things in life
like flowers and birds and dancing
movies and dinners with my wife.
i need to laugh more than cry
lifes too short to be sad
i have amazing support here
THE best mom and dad.
selfishness breeds depression
selflessness breeds relief
bring on the happiness and laughter
im dropping the pain and the grief.
blah blah blah sob story stuff
no ones more lonely than i
im sick of feeling feelings
im going to go eat some pie.

Me for me.

Ive loved you for you
So why cant you see
I just want you
To love me for me
It seems you cant look
Past the person ive been
No matter what I do
It seems I cant win
I look past your past
Ive let it all go
Don’t hold it over me
I want you to know
I know that ive loved you
Right from the start
And everything ive said
Came straight from the heart
You act like im a sinner
And pretend that you’re a saint
But trust me when I say
We all know you aint
Ive made some wrong choices
In the life ive been livin
But im taking advantage
Of the second chance ive been given
I wish it didn’t matter
The person ive been
Because now im different
Ive been changed within
I know you look down on me
For some decisions I make
Like anything I ever do
Is a complete mistake
Choices ive made
Are deciding my fate
So I chose to change things
Before its too late
Now my soul is pure
My heart is ready
My mind is clear
My stride is steady
Im not one to judge
So please don’t judge me
If you’d have listened
Then you would see
Im a work in progress
Im a diamond in the rough
Im goofy on the outside
But inside im tough
I don’t let haters
Break me down
I’m 100 percent me
All the way around.

New Attitude.

I made a decision and i'm trying to stick with it
you didn't like it, but i did it for my own good.
Nights like this when i start to get lonely...
I call on the Lord because i know i should
He understands how i've been feeling lately
He loves me unconditionally no matter what ive done
I feel ungrateful sometimes when i get selfish
when clouds are above me, He brings out the sun
He fills my heart with joy every single day
I'm tired of being angry about petty things
So i'll sit back and let God lead me
and open my heart to see what He brings.

11.21

twenty one years
of bitter affairs
shaking my fist
pulling out hair
too busy to live
too busy to love
lost and mislead
guidance from above
is much needed
and cherished
to teach me
before i perish
to rid myself
of too many errands
to make time for love
for family and friends
working my life
into the ground
with a smile on my face
and no one around
im withering and alone
looking for hope
but i still run away
a pitiful dope
running and tripping
falling and failing
breaking my bones
but not moaning or wailing
letting the pain
eat at my soul
i need a rope
to get out of this hole
my life is passing
in front of my face
i just hope soon
i find my place.

6.24

if i could
i would
throw my elbow
at your face
break your pretty nose
put you in your place
if i could
i would
knee you in the throat
then leave a sticky note
with a quote:
"break my heart, i'll break your bones"
lessons learned
tables have turned
you are now where i once was
i do understand
i just dont care
so i wanna pound your spine
pull out your hair
break your back
snap your arm
this is just a poem
i mean no harm
unless you contact me
one more time
then...
you're mine.