tortured.

i'd rather be lying there
i'd rather be strapped
with chains and things
lain across my lap
i'd rather be half alive
on the conveyor belt
pendalum lowering
the most numb, ive ever felt
i'd rather be sitting
strapped to that chair
with a blindfold on
and a cap on my hair
i'd rather be in a machine
each limb in a different direction
tearing...and ripping
glance at my reflection
my face is bloody
no more tears in my eye
i am too broken
to even cry
i'd rather lie here
on my death bed
barely alive, than
believe what you said
i'd rather my head be
smashed into the ground
than let you for one more second,
put me down.

catch me.

the more i try
the harder i fall
wings spread out
exposing it all
i'm falling but
no ones there
at the bottom where
ground meets air
no ones there
with arms open wide
no one willing to help
to stand by my side
and i'm falling
and i'm yelling
you say it will
but time isnt telling
im screaming from
the pit of my womb
carve..."she bled for you"
on the front of my tomb

bleed.

the ocean isnt even
long enough or wide
enough for me to drown
enough for me to hide
this feeling i have
this overwhelming fear
thats ringing so loud
from ear to ear
this tendancy i have
of fucking up everything
and i'm afraid this time
it wont mean a thing
the sky isnt even
high enough or deep
to put my mind at ease
enough for me to sleep
but this worry
and fear subside
when i'm laying there
by your side
you keep me alive
you keep me strong
i'm just afraid that you
and i...dont belong.

three.

Today has been painful
The past is unkind
I woke up this morning
Broken, to find
My arms are still empty
But my memories are strong
Everyday I believe more and more
You and I…we belong

Last night was agonizing
And today I’m sore
From the emotional wearing
This bearing, it tore
A hole in my soul
I’m bitter and broken
Replaying again the
Three words left spoken

I’ve searched everywhere
Only… to find
None other has captured
So much of my mind
This hold you have
Apprehended my heart
Is strong enough to keep
Us from falling apart

fell.

my last three words
silently linger
hold onto my lips
slips from my finger
they began to fade out
too soon to tell
they burst into flame
creating this hell
this bliss and your kiss
bounce around in my head
this kiss, this wish
forget what you said
words roll off my tongue
on my cheek, parallell
to the tears from my eyes
racing, they both fell
with nothing to fall on
no cushion beneath
no hand left to hold
no one to bequeath
these tears and these words
silently linger
let go of my lips
slips off of my finger

i'm a fucking idiot.

you, are tearing
me apart
once again you
break my heart
how many times
do i have to fail
before i see
i'm just a snail
carrying a house
upon my back
you walk beside
cursing my shack
you wont help me
bear this home
id be better off if
i walked alone
how many times
must i do that
before i see
i'm just a rat
running this wheel
you've placed in here
lost in this maze
the end, unclear
will you leave me
to run carefree?
and stay lost forever
in this maze you've built for me?
this maze is your heart
i cannot find the end
and i'm running into walls
and i do not comprehend
why wont you help
just this one time
just knock down these walls
and say you'll be mine
why cant you let
this snail rest for now
and stop this rat from
running around
set me free
by saying those words
i love you is all
that need be heard
i know you'd mean it
i know you do
theres just one thing
that thing is you
you're the only one
who can tear down this wall
and open my heart again...
...and save me from this fall
but you're the only one
who can break it again
by using my heart
tell her i'm just a friend
why cant it all
just be like last year
when no hearts had been broken
no eyes shed a tear
when we walked hand in hand
down those streets
barefoot, wet concrete
under our feet
a picnic in the park
where you told me
and swore that you
were all i need
what happened to that
and why cant i have it once more?
give me my wishes and dreams
if they dont come true, what are they for?
i just want you
to feel and to see
how i feel about you
how do you feel about me?

on my own.

this is how the story goes.
this is how life was dealt.
i fucked up my love life.
lower than i've ever felt.
you were standing there,
arms as wide open as can be.
and i let myself open up to you.
and i showed you the real me.
you walked in when he walked out.
i poured my heart out to you.
and i was foolish enough to think,
this would work out how i want it to.
that for once in my life...once in my life,
i finally wouldnt be let down
but i guess i was very wrong.
submerged...screaming, let me drown.
i dont trust the hand you offer
you'll probably pull away anyhow
i had troubles trusting before this
i cannot trust anyone now.
so i guess happiness isnt meant
for every person...at least not for me
i am on my own now and i scream
to slowly fade, disappear, cease to be
that i could hide in the shadows
and never be found, ever be sighted
maybe on my own, in the darkness
my hopes and dreams would be reunited
but this is probably just me...
getting my hopes up once more
thats a tendancy of mine...
but this time...
i've learned from before.