wish i could hate you.

i wish with everything
all that i had
that i could hate you
i want that, so bad
but my heart doesnt know
what it means to hate
and when it begins to know
its already too late
you're back and forth
you like me then you dont
and i wish i could say this
but i cant and i wont
i wont describe
the amounts of pain
that you leave behind
as you carry on in vain
i wont tell you
how much it kills me inside
to live my life
without you by my side
its the chase you want
not the amazing girl you'd catch
you look at me like
i'm just one from the batch
but i'm more than you think
i'm one of a kind
you'll search and search
but MY GOD you wont find
ANYONE as special or caring
as i
i hate that i cant hate you
i kind of wish you'd die
i wish you'd disappear
and take my pain with you
because without you around
i know i'd make it through
i hate to see you doing so well
when i miss you so much
i hate the way you talk to me
i hate how we've lost touch
i hate that i cant talk to you
when you're all that i've had
i hate that i cant hate you
because i want to SO DAMN BAD
i cant erase the memories
and i gave back all your stuff
but these feelings still haunt me
and life is still real tough
i want to learn to hate you
i want to erase you from me
i wish so much that i could hate you
because now who can i be?
everything i ever was
and everything i knew
and everything i'll ever be
will trace me back to you.
i found myself and what love was
and how to love myself
i learned how to trust another
you cant put that on a shelf
you cant push that out of your life
you live in me through this
i learned everything about who i am
from how i cry to how i kiss
i wish i could hate you
even after everything, i still don't
and no matter what you say to me
i swear to you...i wont.