fuck you.

you shed a single tear
and i wiped it from your face
back in familiar arms
in a quite familiar place
you're breathing on my neck
then you whisper in my ear
what ive been so patiently
waiting, dying...to hear
but how could i be so stupid
to believe you when you said
that you miss me, really miss me
it all makes me scratch my head
does he mean it?
is he just messing with me again?
does he ACTUALLY LOVE ME!?
or just love me like a friend?
do i really take the words he says
seriously? or let them go...
because he says a lot of things....
mostly just 'i dont know'
he says hes figuring it out
but im really just beginning to think
that he enjoys breaking me down
actually likes pushing me to the brink
the edge of existence
where i make a choice
do i live my fucking life
or do i listen to his voice?
should i walk those few small steps
to my long belated death?
do i let his piercing words
take my final breath?
i'm past the point of no return
to where theres no looking back
to the point where my eyes stay open
but my sight turns black
you cut this hole in my heart
with your knife formed by fear
seeping with feelings of nothingness
because you faked that single tear.

now.

days like now
i finally see
the person
that i want to be
a future for
myself is shown
but i am still
living the unknown
every second
surprise lingers
on the end of my nose
the tips of my fingers
days like now
i'm happy because
i can honestly say
im not who i was
im different
im new
i'm me
you're you
life's coming
coming fast
i'm over this
i'm past the past
i'm growing
i'm learning
this longing
this yearning
i'm hoping
someday soon
i'll be the sun
highest at noon
i'll watch over
people and life
i'll be a mother
a sister, a worker, a wife
days like now
i get happy again
i can see theres a future
i can see to the end
its alright if
it doesnt go
the way i want
see....or know
i will be happy
with what i do
no matter how
where or with who
days like now
are when i smile
and hope and dream
ill stay this way for a while
and im thankful
to you and to you
for being with me
for helping me through.
days like now...
today is now.

(pun intended)

if i could change the world
i wouldnt change humanity
i would make things like they were
and once again, you'd be with me
if i could change the world
i would turn back time
and i wouldnt have ever said
that sorrowful goodbye
if i could change the world
i would start with you and me
i would bring us back to life
but i cannot change it, you see
i cannot change the world
and i cannot change your mind
i cannot persuade your thoughts
i can only give you time
i cannot change the world
but i can surely wait
and see how the world turns
and hope its not too late.

sea.

im so sick of hearing
people tell me
that there are more
fish in the sea
because i dont care
about the other fish
i just want YOU
that's all i wish
sure i could catch
another fish out there
but you're all i want
i dont even care
that i may never have
another chance with you
i'll still love you, brandon
i dont know what to do
i dont know how to drown
this annoying ring in my ear
there arent any fish in the sea
that know me like you, dear
i miss you and i love you
and i so fucking wish
that i could catch you again
you're the only fish
that catches my eye
that stands out to me
and im sorry i feel this
i just wish you could see
how much i still love you
i'd give anything to be
that one fish standing out
for you...in your sea.

just friends.

you take my heart
and you love it so deep
you make room in your bed
and i crawl down to sleep
you brush my hair
from my green eyes
i give you my heart
thats why im surprised
you just want to be friends?
i dont know what to say
just friends. thats all?
do you know what its like everyday?
you hold my hand
dance with me in the rain
and now...JUST FRIENDS?
are you fucking insane?!
i poured my life
into your hands
i drop that dime
to see where it lands
you drove me out
to our place in the park
it was so precious
holding you in the dark
kissing your lips
by the light of the moon
just be friends...
has been said too soon
i cant just be your friend
when im still so in love
remember in florida?
in the water, you held me above...
but now i'll bet
you'd let me drown.
just fucking friends.
...really puts me down
my soul, my entire self
i have given to YOU
and look where we are now
just friends, is it true?
can you really be serious?
JUST FRIENDS, come on.
i know you have her now
i know you've moved on
but seriously. FUCKING SERIOUSLY.
im thinking JUST FRIENDS
is becoming harder than
just saying its the end.

nothing.

a few simple words
have so much power
i woke up last night
every hour, on the hour
your face in my mind
your voice in my head
i lie wide awake
depressed, in my bed
how can YOU
have this effect on me?
how can i still love you
after everything?
after you said those things
after you moved on
after i thought i convinced myself
that you're really gone
i dont even know
i really dont see
how i can still love you
after you did that to me
why do i care so much?
why do i still feel this?
where do i go from here?
what is it about you that i miss?
why are you so addicting?
why do i act like nothings wrong
like i'm happy for you two
i've faked it for so long
"i'm happy for you"
its a load of shit
i'm sorry to say
but dont believe it.
and i'm so fed up
with not being over you
i keep trying so hard
i dont know what else to do
so if anyone at all
has a bit of advice
for me to get over him
that would be reeeeally nice.

bastard.

its days like today
i sit here and cry
everyone walks by
but no one asks why
let me tell you the reason
that i sit here so low
the thoughts rush through me
and i just dont know
last night, was amazing
but today...its not like that
because nights like those
bring thoughts up to bat
thoughts of reality
and thoughts of pain
and days like today
i lie in the rain
im sleeping in this puddle
and no one seems to mind
because they've seen me here
time after time
my heart is a pile of putty
your footprints stay set
its strung out, smashed down
but i want to let
someone remold it and try
to make it into a gem
but i'm just afraid this putty
will always belong to him
its his fucking putty
he knows he can throw me out
he knows he can smash me down
he knows what he does no doubt
and i want so bad to give
this putty to someone besides he
i want my putty back
this heart belongs to me
and i want the free will
to give it to the man i please
but im still afraid every word he says
brings me to my knees
i dont know what to do
i just want to run away
times like this
on days like today