everything i've wanted to say.

this is everything
i've ever wanted to say
you text ME 7 times
while i was away.
i was forgetting you
but you sought me out
you poured out your heart
what was that all about?
you didnt mean it.
you cant just change your mind.
you lead me on.
one of these days i hope you find,
your heart will break
your eyes will well
you'll feel like i do
pure, firey hell.
i hope so much
that one day you see
the way you lied, abused
and wrongly treated me.
you broke my heart
but i gave you every chance
and with every chance
came a second glance
at what you wanted
or didnt want
you'd fake it
you'd lie, you'd front
you'd make things up
to try to keep from hurting me
but you didnt
you ruined me.
no man is ever going to want
the traces you left behind
just bones in the dirt
are all thats left to find.
you're just a little boy
i should have known
that i couldn't trust you
with my heart on your own.
you reached out to me
and i let you back in
time and time
and time again
why couldnt you have just
left me alone?
i was just looking at pictures
sitting at home
when i get this call
saying you wanted me
you love me, you miss me and all.
you started the fire back up
and now you're walking away
i lost the only person
that understands me, today.
the love of my life
my best friend for two years
has now thrown a stick
in between the gears
i'm falling apart
because who i am
is a result of that time
when you once gave a damn.
without you in my life
nothing makes sense.
i'm lost in my own head
i'm straddling the fence.
do i just end it now?
do i go on and try?
do i live through this hell?
or give up and die?
i didnt choose to love you
that love chose me
and now i dont know
if i'm chained or i'm free.
i'm lost in who i am
i'm lost in where to go
i'm lost in everything
but you dont know.
you're living your life
perfectly fine
without a thought of me
crossing your mind.
why is this so unfair to me
but so cool with you?
do you not see what you've done?
do you not see what you do?
every morning
and every night
is constantly a battle
a never ending fight
between love and hate
for you in my brain
and it's causing
very literal pain.
i dont know how to change
my frame of mind
because the frame i once had
has left me behind.
i gave you my heart
and it meant nothing to you
now i sit here so empty
wondering whats true
you promised so much
that you've broken now
and thought after thought
i cant think of how
anyone with half a heart
could do this to anyone
you're such a cold bastard
just up and being done.
how dare you
have the audacity to
hate the only one
who loves you...like i do.
you're satan in my eyes
and you always will be
i hate you for this.
you mean nothing to me.