Tuesday, September 1, 2009


I put my foot in the fire
And it burned to bits
I put my heart in your hands
And you threw a fit
I put my love in your arms
And you treated me like shit
Now I’m done.
You’ll be sorry.

I put my strength in your soul
And you so let me down
Now I’m falling apart
Nothing but pieces on the ground
I’m a worthless piece of shit
And you’re nowhere around
Now I’m done.
You’ll be sorry.

You don’t have to believe in karma…
…for her to bite you in the ass.
Now I’m done.
You’ll be sorry.

first love.

Three long years
Come to a close
We give back belongings
Books and clothes
I let your memories
Fall from my mind
With thoughts of us
From past times
As I close that door
And throw the key
I walk away
So peacefully
The pain, this time
Is slow and deep
No anger, no violence
A silent weep
I’ve burned the pictures,
The notes and songs
I still don’t know
What I did wrong
I lower my head
And forget your face
I walk away
So out of place
My steps are shorter
My breaths are too
My life has been altered
With the loss of you.

Friday, August 21, 2009

just another lonely night.

let the rain fall on me tonight
disguise my tears
so when you ask whats wrong
I can fake sincere

let the fire leave my eyes
extinguish distinguished
lord knows its no surprise
my time here is meaningless

let my heart roll to the floor
sweep the pieces
I’ll watch you leave once more
just leave me in pieces

I’ll never learn my lesson with you.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

peace out.

i guess this is the scratch
that itches the itch
guess its true what they say
and karmas a bitch
guess this is your way
of getting me back
i understand, though
dont cut me any slack.
ive done this to you
time and again
guess i havent been
such a great friend
guess i get a taste
of my own medicine
and Lord only knows
i wont do this again
ive never had the fear
of being replaced
one day you wont even
recognize my face
you just go right ahead
and lift her higher than me
and one day if she dumps you
then youll probably see
you jacked this way up
and its far too late
to recover this friendship
youll lose belief in fate
ive decided to mute my mouth
but i have words up my sleeve
that could hurt you in an instant
like you wouldnt believe
but ill rise above that
and just walk away
i'll leave you be now
please forget me, today.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


I think life is hard
and that’s where friends come in
I think life is easy
and that’s where friends come in
I think life is deliberate
there are no mistakes
I think there are no coincidences
there are no mistakes
I think there is no place for violence
don’t hate, appreciate
I think there is no place for murder
don’t hate, appreciate
I think life is a mystery series
live it page by page
I think life is list of questions
live it word by word
I think life is about relationships
big ships
and chocolate chips.
I think life is a journey
not to be lived alone
I think life is precious
not to be lived alone
I think when life gets tough
you’re tired and broke
that’s when you get together
have a drink and a smoke
I think when life is smooth
you’re living easy and free
put away the chemical joy
live and love your family
when you lose your loved ones
know they’re in a better place
when you get some new ones
make it a better place
when you see the hungry
give them their fill
when you see the sad
remind them of His will
when you see the angry
let them vent
when you see the poor
pay their rent
when you see the broken
and the lonely
and the empty
give them joy
I think life’s about helping each other
because we can’t do it alone
we need each other.
forget the haters
the confrontaters
the liars
the cheaters
life’s about love
don’t get lost in yourself
it’s a lonely place
instead, share what you have
and you’ll find your place.
It’s not about the money
it’s not about the sex
it’s not about the drugs
it’s about the time we have
the music
the kisses
the hugs
the abstract things that aren’t concrete
make these be known
the things you can’t see
you can only be shown.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

its over.

ive lived my life in fastforward
not on purpose, of course
ive lived and loved
ive let nature take its course
ive walked the walk
and danced the dance
i've given my first
and my last chance
looking back
on these twenty years
ive been so happy
and now it appears
that i'm nearing the end
i'm past my prime
my life is over
it's almost time
so now i spend my time
lying in bed
waiting for this thought
of you to leave my head
and waiting impatiently
for my final breath
so i can whisper goodbye
and fade to my death.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


I’m done giving chances
For every chance ive ever given
Has blown up in my face
And every man
Ive ever liked
Has put me in my place
I will listen to no one
Only my heart
So no one but me
Will tear me apart
Every guy
Ive ever liked
Is exactly the same
Whisper sweetly
To me my name
But what they want
Means nothing more
Then getting off
And that im a whore
And then they walk away
Without another glance
And that is why
He was the last chance.

Friday, March 13, 2009

giving up.

my hearts a heart of stone
but it's been ground into sand
with the simplest of words
and a mere touch of your hand
and no one wants to try
to piece it back together
because sand is unstable
and blows away in strong weather
i never thought id be
as empty as i've become
and i didn't think you were
and don't think you're the one
i'd take a knife in the chest
or a bullet to the brain
anything at all
to get rid of all this pain
to me: breathing is hurting
so there's one thing to do
get rid of this, get rid of me
and that'll get rid of you.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


every day i live
every breath i take
i'm convinced
is a mistake.
i hold no purpose
in this place.
my heart is empty.
cant you see it in my face?
my eyes have no luster.
my voice is hollow.
my soul is lifeless.
my smile is shallow.
the person i once was
has faded with age
has folded its cover
and torn every page.
no amount of comfort
no amount of love
could pick me up
and lift me above
the hell i live in
every second of every day.
nothing you could do.
nothing you could say.
i am nothing.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

close my eyes.

when i close my eyes
this is where i go
im standing on a pier
removing all my clothes
no one is looking for me
im somewhere no one knows
i prepare for my dive
not once do i look back.
bend my knees and jump.
right then my sight goes black.
my body slices through
the water engulfs me whole
im lost in this ocean
my heart, my mind, my soul
still diving to the bottom
and when i reach the sand
the ocean comes to greet me
a smile and open hand
i crawl inside its fingers
and let it bury me
naked, alone, hiding
god knows i'm finally free
the ocean dances around me
the water in my chest
i breathe the water in and out
that is the final test
laying on the ocean floor
this is right where i belong
ive given all control
no longer am i strong
i own nothing
nothing of who i am
the waters taken everything
as i rest in its hands
the god the earth is missing
is found down here below
dive off that pier
and swim right here
and love, you'll surely know.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


this post isn't a poem, it's an outpouring of every emotion i'm feeling right now. it may not make sense, but feel free to try to form something logical out of my emotional word vomit.

at this very moment
i am feeling love at its strongest
and a feeling that i'm so unfamiliar with...
i've never loathed someone, but i do.
i am in love...
with who he used to be, before he started smoking pot.
i've often asked myself
what do i love about him
and the answer is
i dont love who he's become.
i love who he was.
the real him.
i loved him because he knew exactly what to say
at exactly the perfect moment.
he made me laugh.
he knew everything
and i mean EVERYTHING
about me
and he still loved me.
he saw every flaw that i saw
and he didnt even care.
he knew when to hold me.
he knew how to hold me.
his hand fit perfectly in mine.
he knew everything about me.
he was my first everything.
he was something great that came along
that i poured my entire life into.
my heart
my soul
my body
my passion
my time
he was the man of my dreams.
he was the biggest goof ball
but he was THE sweetest guy i've ever known
laughing with him was the most intoxicating feeling.
we cried together.
we did everything together.
i gave him every last piece of who i was.
he taught me how to love myself.
he showed me what love was.
he was the greatest teacher
the greatest counselor
the greatest friend
and the greatest boyfriend
anyone could ask for.
thats who he used to be.
thats the picture of love that i hold.
but he's dead.
that person that i was in love with
that person that i gave my life to
is dead.
he chose pot over me
thats one reason i feel terrible about myself.
he chose a petty thing
over a human being.
that is THE biggest insult in the universe.
words cant even express
how horrible that makes me feel.
even today.
i cant rid my heart of this pain
all i can do
is turn on my newest cd...
full volume.
the one cd that doesnt remind me of him
and its never loud enough to drown the thoughts
i sit here driving my ear buds in my ears just trying to get a second to myself
a second to think about anything in the world but him.
i have had him on my mind every second
of every day
for the last two and a half years
and now i must put him to rest.
i need to let go of his ghost
all i have left of him
are the memories.
and those memories will haunt me
and i just pray
that God will piece my heart back together
and help me look forward.

i'm having such a hard time
because he was my comfort
where i went when i was hurting
and now i have to hurt
on my own
and i dont know how.

rest in peace
while i rest in pieces.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

wish i could hate you.

i wish with everything
all that i had
that i could hate you
i want that, so bad
but my heart doesnt know
what it means to hate
and when it begins to know
its already too late
you're back and forth
you like me then you dont
and i wish i could say this
but i cant and i wont
i wont describe
the amounts of pain
that you leave behind
as you carry on in vain
i wont tell you
how much it kills me inside
to live my life
without you by my side
its the chase you want
not the amazing girl you'd catch
you look at me like
i'm just one from the batch
but i'm more than you think
i'm one of a kind
you'll search and search
but MY GOD you wont find
ANYONE as special or caring
as i
i hate that i cant hate you
i kind of wish you'd die
i wish you'd disappear
and take my pain with you
because without you around
i know i'd make it through
i hate to see you doing so well
when i miss you so much
i hate the way you talk to me
i hate how we've lost touch
i hate that i cant talk to you
when you're all that i've had
i hate that i cant hate you
because i want to SO DAMN BAD
i cant erase the memories
and i gave back all your stuff
but these feelings still haunt me
and life is still real tough
i want to learn to hate you
i want to erase you from me
i wish so much that i could hate you
because now who can i be?
everything i ever was
and everything i knew
and everything i'll ever be
will trace me back to you.
i found myself and what love was
and how to love myself
i learned how to trust another
you cant put that on a shelf
you cant push that out of your life
you live in me through this
i learned everything about who i am
from how i cry to how i kiss
i wish i could hate you
even after everything, i still don't
and no matter what you say to me
i swear to you...i wont.