Tuesday, July 29, 2008

past this.

you caused me tears
every single day
and flipped me off
as i walked away
and my tears could fill
ten thousand lakes
and i could kill myself
for all my mistakes
but instead of fade
ill learn to fly
away from you
past your lying eyes
and my lips will spill
no more of your name
and i wont hide my face
i will not be ashamed
my heart of glass
you once shattered
has turned to stone
after you bruised and battered
and you spat on me
and cursed my days
but i held my head high
as i walked away
and i picked it up
all that was left of me
and i made my heart
a new masterpiece
i'll keep walking on
and i will NOT look back
you're not worth my time
my dignity, intact
your words will no longer
hinder my strength
i'll keep your manipulation
far past arms length
i've burned your pictures
and face from my mind
i'm serious about this,
i'm done, this time.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


sitting across the room
looking into my eyes
sliding your hands
slowly up my thighs
moving your hand
up my shoulder, my neck
the feelings that you're creating
impossible to reject.
run your fingers through my hair
take me in your arms
satan hides behind your eyes
and pain behind your charm
hold me close and whisper
how beautiful i am
run your fingers down my arm
smooth, into my hand
lead me places i've never been
and guide me with your lips
my skin feels soft, unraveling
beneath your finger tips
you know the things that make me melt
and use them as a trap
unzip this and unbutton that
as i untie, slip off and unstrap
my innocence is shattered
like a mirror in a war
i dare not tell a single soul
they know what ive done before
your sly eyes undress me
your hands follow their lead
my soul is pouring from my eyes
but my face is hard to read
ill hide the terror with a smile
and go along with this
you own me: body, heart and soul
with every single kiss
the strength that was growing
is now just mental roadkill
let the walls down around my heart
do with me what you will
just another door mat
just another day
im nothing more than this to you
i'm a fuck up, what can i say?

Friday, July 18, 2008

lesson learned.

regret is a lesson
dreaded to be taught
dreaded to be learned
leaves you hurt and distraught
one, too many drinks
plus one lonely heart
leaves your memory to guess
tearing you apart
regret is a lesson
that everyone must learn
i really wish i hadn't
but i guess it was my turn
i fucked up, big time
and i cant take it back
but i'm punishing myself enough
please, cut me some slack
every time i see his face
every time i see that mark
i realize what i gave away
a very huge piece of my heart
it meant nothing to you
i'm just piece of meat
i'm just another speck of dirt
on the bottom of your feet
you'll walk all over me
and you won't even notice
you'll always have my heart
but you won't ever know this
just a drunken little girl
with a lesson yet to be taught
and who better to teach me
then you, a gentleman (i thought)
you taught me how to lie
and you taught me how to regret
i'll burn this memory from my mind
but i swear i wont forget.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


i try to sleep
to dull the ache
hours on end
i lie awake
the words replay
a vivid scene
my heart break played
on a movie screen
keep bashing me down
everyone can see
in front of their faces
yep, that's me
fucking up
and getting fucked
now fuck off
and the best of luck
i hope the next
isnt as stupid as me
i hope shes skeptical
i hope she'll see
because you've fucked me once
you'll do it again
your bad judgement calls
rub off on your friends
so i guess this is a lesson
you've finally showed me
how worthless i really am
you've lied when you said he
didn't know what he was saying
when he talked me down
made me cry
without a sound
you told me i was better
but i know better now
i dont know how i didn't see it
i really dont know how.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


I'm not going to let
the memories of you
tear me apart
i've got better things to do.
i'm not going to dwell
on the good or the bad
i will not reminisce
of the love that we had.
I will scrape up all
thats left of me
off of the floor
i wont let you see
the tears roll down
my cold, empty cheek
i wont bitch or yell
i'll be humble and meek
i'll walk away with pride
everything i have left in me
i'll hold my head high
i still have my dignity.
yeah, i fucked up.
its what i do.
but baby this wasnt me
this was all you.
this was your choice
your fucked up call
you could have this
i could give you it all
but son, its over
and its your fucking loss
so i'll wipe my tears
because i am the boss
you think you own me
let me shoot you some news
boy, i'm i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t
this is less than a bruise
with time it will fade
along with your face
no longer in my head
no more shame or disgrace
this is it and i'm not crying
because he'll give a fuck.
my prince is still waiting
but honey, you're stuck.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

don't break my heart.

i guess i'm not pretty
i guess i'm not smart
i guess i didnt give
enough of my heart
i guess i'm not anything
worthy of love
i guess you showed me
what i'm made of
i guess i'm not funny
i guess i'm not nice
i guess you're hearts
a heartless device
i guess my eyes shadowed
the smile on your face
i guess you could guess
im in a desolate place
i guess you'll move on
i guess i will too
but i dont want anyone
in this whole world, but you
i guess i'll be happy
one of these days
i guess i'll forget you
and all of the ways...
that you touched me
and played with my hair
you knew me every bit of me
to me, this is not fair
how you just sit at home
and ignore everything
while i'm lying in bed
crying and reveling
in the joy that we once had
when i put light in your eyes
but that light has now faded
two years, i'm surprised
i never thought that THIS
is what would end us this time.
i never thought a fucking game
would change your fucking mind.
i feel left out and lonely
and its YOU we can blame
for blocking out the one you loved
for one fucking game.