Monday, October 8, 2012


my pills have not been working
a reminder of why i am medicated.
i feel lost, careless, unhappy,
hateful, grouchy, undedicated.
im in an 'i hate everyone' mood
and im reliving the past
wondering why im always creating
love that doesn't ever last.
reminding myself why i hate dating.
i fall so easily and always hard.
so im blocking out my feelings
my heart is back on guard.
my defense mechanism is not caring,
but im so broken inside.
no one knows whats behind this smile.
the pain and tears i hide.
i hate everything today.
the Lord is my only friend.
i say i dont but i do want love,
and i want this anger to end.

Monday, October 1, 2012

gona be a cat lady.

i have finally decided
to build back my walls
no longer wishing
for someone with balls
i hate everyone equally
(but men, a bit more)
ill get really fat and hairy
ill be a prude, not a whore
ill have thirty six cats
no shower in my home
ill be covered in fur
but never alone
my cats will protect me
from mice...and men
i hate cats, but id rather
be a cat lady than love again.

Thursday, September 20, 2012


tonight my heart hurts
my stomach churns
my smiles faded
my eyes burn
the tears came hard
and met at my chin
the outward sight
of feelings within
engrossing emotions
invading my mind
thought i'd come far
but i'm falling behind
back from the past
back to the start
reconnecting my thoughts
my soul and my heart
collecting the lessons
life has taught me
the soil and the water
the food for my tree
i will not wither
i will not fade
i will prosper
in sun and shade
no matter what happens
or will surround
can shake me, i'm planted
firmly, in the ground
i am here now
more than ill ever be
i'll never be anything
other than me.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


I bought a big bed
for us to share
When I lay down,
I still see you there
I still taste your kiss
I still feel your skin
See your big, brown eyes
Your dimples, your grin
I hold onto my pillow
and wish it was you
I can't wait until
my wishes come true
two months from now
I'll be with you again
Once more in the arms
of my love and my friend.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

dont wana be a cat lady.

Maybe love is true
maybe fairy tales are real
I believe in it again
By the way you make me feel
something I’ve waited for
since I saw Cinderella
but I never really thought
I’d find that kind of fella
I know you won’t hurt me
I know you won’t leave
I know these things because
your heart is on your sleeve
we connect so well already
I just can’t wait to see
this fairy tale unfold
between you and me.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

i hate feeling feelings.

what you meant
isn't what i heard
you lied when you said
you'd keep your word
a wasted 2 years
has left me alone
when you called last night
i should have silenced my phone
you wanted to rub in my face
that you've found someone new
reminding me, once more
i no longer have you
you lashed out in anger
when i got upset
but you cant expect me
to be over you yet
you let me down
in the worst way
the love i thought i found
still burns to this day
i'm breaking myself down
i can't do this much longer
even though i feel weak
i know i've become stronger
you broke my spirit
you broke my pride
something deep inside of me
withered up and died
you tore me apart
going back on your word
our memories are vivid
but the lines have all blurred
you've really moved on
and i'm still right here
lost and alone
drinking way too much beer
when you think of me
i hope that it stings
and i hope that i'll see
just what karma brings
go fuck yourself douche bag :)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

die in a hole.

it's been a while since we split.
believe it or not i still feel like shit.
crying myself to sleep is getting old.
trying to find a way to turn myself cold.
to rid my heart of these feelings.
and to deal better with these dealings.
i hate thinking of you and being hurt.
you left me face down in the dirt.
i would do anything to hurt you back
as much as you've hurt me.
i wish i could break you down
if i didnt have morals
id give you to a dirty trucker.
bitch i would ruin you.
die in a hole mother fucker.

Friday, July 6, 2012


im giving up the hurt i have
the pain that inhabits my soul
im giving up on giving a shit
cause shit belongs in a hole.
im sick and tired of being angry
and feeling low and depressed
i got my ass out of bed today
and i started hurting less.
i have to keep telling myself
dont give a fuck, youre fine
i keep reminding myself
its beginning to soak in my mind.
i need to find happiness again
in the little things in life
like flowers and birds and dancing
movies and dinners with my wife.
i need to laugh more than cry
lifes too short to be sad
i have amazing support here
THE best mom and dad.
selfishness breeds depression
selflessness breeds relief
bring on the happiness and laughter
im dropping the pain and the grief.
blah blah blah sob story stuff
no ones more lonely than i
im sick of feeling feelings
im going to go eat some pie.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Me for me.

Ive loved you for you
So why cant you see
I just want you
To love me for me
It seems you cant look
Past the person ive been
No matter what I do
It seems I cant win
I look past your past
Ive let it all go
Don’t hold it over me
I want you to know
I know that ive loved you
Right from the start
And everything ive said
Came straight from the heart
You act like im a sinner
And pretend that you’re a saint
But trust me when I say
We all know you aint
Ive made some wrong choices
In the life ive been livin
But im taking advantage
Of the second chance ive been given
I wish it didn’t matter
The person ive been
Because now im different
Ive been changed within
I know you look down on me
For some decisions I make
Like anything I ever do
Is a complete mistake
Choices ive made
Are deciding my fate
So I chose to change things
Before its too late
Now my soul is pure
My heart is ready
My mind is clear
My stride is steady
Im not one to judge
So please don’t judge me
If you’d have listened
Then you would see
Im a work in progress
Im a diamond in the rough
Im goofy on the outside
But inside im tough
I don’t let haters
Break me down
I’m 100 percent me
All the way around.